Do you ever find yourself wandering within yesterday’s garden?
I do, now and then.
Some parts are filled with an array of beautiful flowers.
The colors are a sight to behold. I could stare at them and get lost in my thoughts for hours.
The yellow chrysanthemums represent the days of peace and harmony, where I was happy with myself and others. No hate or negativity could hurt me.
The orange tulips are my moments on the dance floor or on stage singing when I got lost in the music and just felt so free.
The red roses are each kiss, snuggle, and romantic moment I spent with someone I loved. They’re each blush, butterfly in my stomach, and hopelessly giddy feeling I’ve ever felt.
The various hues of purple violets are my humble moments when God reminded me of who I was, who I wanted to be, and to always give back. I have known what it feels like to need, to feel alone and it has felt good to make other’s happy and to have their hearts melt.
The radiant bluebells are all of the friends I’ve ever had over the course of my life. Each one has taught me something to carry with me into present days. Each one has brightened my days, made me laugh, feel such joy, and given me so much love.
The green grass I walk upon with my bare feet is simply the Earth that I live in, one I want to take better care of than I have in the past. May I nurture it and find strength in it from above.
As I continue to wander through, I see a dark corner of my mind that I find myself drawn to.
There are thorns, weeds, and a feeling of sadness of hard times I’ve been through.
Though it’s hard to look at, I find myself needing to confront what I see before me.
For it too has shaped me into the woman all of you now see.
Each heartache, lie told, hurtful thing I said and did, spiteful thing someone said or did to me, hardship, broken dream, moment of loneliness, loss, friendship ended, and hopeless feeling has had a part to play.
Every thorn that I pass tries to catch me in its grasp and hold me down. They yearn for me to stay.
The past can be a tricky thing when one lingers there for too long.
Though I know that each part of it has made me into who I am now, the good, the bad, the right, and the wrong.
I’m not who I once was and I’m thankful for that. Though, I know I’m not the woman I am meant to be.
Every day I’m given is another chance for me to grow, learn, give, take, live, and love. I contemplate that as I sit down by the giant oak tree.
I have found it’s love that makes me the person I’m now proud of being. It’s giving back that helps me heal. It’s compassion that makes me feel good about my life.
I was put here to love, to help, to give. I aim every single day I’m here to be a good mother, daughter, sister, niece, granddaughter, cousin, friend, coworker, and one day soon, wife.
The past is here for me to visit anytime. It’s good to see it now and then. It can be a good friend.
But, it’s not where I belong. The here and now is where I’m meant to be in the end. ♡
Do you ever find yourself wandering within yesterday’s garden?
As Spock once said, “Logic is the beginning of wisdom, not the end.”
I firmly believe that to be true. To be able to think logically is important. But, I also feel that it is important to view things with an air of a whimsical nature. The ability to use one’s mind is vital, but not just the part that knows facts and gets us through our daily tasks. It’s also important to use the parts that control our emotions. Often, many of us don’t balance the two out. Some of us think more with our logical side, while others think more with our emotional side, i.e. with our heart as people call it. I try to have a healthy balance, but sometimes that doesn’t work out too well for me. I am definitely a highly emotional being. I am capable of rational and logical thinking. Sometimes, I am too logical in some people’s opinion. But, often I am viewed as being too sensitive and overly emotional. That’s just how I am wired, if you will. But, I am trying to work on that.
I think it is healthy for us to use both sides of our brain and it is also good to challenge our minds as well. I like to work on Sudoku puzzles, word puzzles, read, and sometimes make up random games to keep my brain active. I also like to come up with innovative ideas and analyze situations and figure out why something works the way it does or why someone acts the way that they do. And then sometimes I like to daydream, think of things that, as far as I know, aren’t humanly possible, and delve into the imaginative part of my brain. Part of me is highly creative and another part of me is highly logical and about concrete facts.
I think if we use too much of one part and not enough of another that we’re wasting our potential. We’re so much more than we know. To explore our minds is, in my humble opinion, essential. I think we were meant to create, think outside the box, and use our imaginations. I think that if we shut ourselves off from feeling, letting all the emotions within us drive us forward, we’re limiting ourselves. But, I also feel if we let that part of us take over, we can become totally irrational and cause all sorts of trouble for others and ourselves. On the the flip side, yes, it is good to be able to use knowledge of things like science, math, literature, and history. Science and math in fact are used daily by many people, even though we don’t always view it that way. But, balancing your checkbook, measuring precise amounts of ingredients when cooking, using home remedies to cure ailments, fixing/renovating things around the home, and so on use them both. It is good to be able to learn and use useful facts and skills to get us through life. But if one only strives to think logically and doesn’t open their mind to feeling and letting their emotions guide them, it becomes a life, I feel, that is not fulfilling. So again, I will reiterate that I feel it is important to be both logical and emotional beings.
I think even Mr. Spock knew that and referenced such thoughts more than once. It is such a sad time as many around the world mourn Leonard Nimoy. He brought so much joy to so many. I know some think it is folly to mourn the lives of the famous. But, I think it’s okay to be sad about those who influenced us, taught us, and brought us joy through their acting, music, artwork, literature, and even athleticism. It is especially sad when those who shared their gifts with the world showed us that they too are human, like the rest of us, and gave what they could to those around them and not just to look good in front of the media, but because they genuinely cared for others. I didn’t know Leonard personally, but he seemed to be one amazing guy who gave back to the community. He cared about his fans and did what he could to show that. So, right now I will use my emotional side and say that you are missed by so many. You gave so much to this world with your talents and just by being who you are. Thank you for all you did, for all you gave. May we keep you alive in our memories of all you contributed, showed us, and taught us.
I realized the other day that it’s been awhile since I have posted anything. I keep meaning to and then I get busy, forget, and sometimes have just been too lazy. When I first started writing on here about two and a half years ago, I posted often. There were days when I posted several times a day. My friend had urged me to join this site when I was going through some rough times. She told me that I should do it so that I could inspire and encourage others. I feel bad that I haven’t been real active on WordPress as of late.
I have a rough day or even a few in a row now and then, but overall my life is going fairly well. I have a great son, wonderful fiance, terrific job, amazing friends and family, and so much to be grateful for. My wedding is in 79 days, been busy with planning that on top of everything else. My son has wrestling meets and as that ends, soccer will begin, I just joined our church worship team and so soon I’ll be busy with practices as well, lots to do at work, etc.
When we get a night or two to just relax, we try to make the most of it. Sometimes we just get so busy that it feels like we don’t really have time to just sit, watch a movie, play a board game, relax, play with our pets, etc. There’s often so much to do with church, family, friends, around the house, etc. And with the wedding being less than three months away now, there’s so much to do. So, sometimes I feel overwhelmed.
I am beyond excited to marry my best friend. I have been counting down the days for a long time. Sometimes the planning is a lot of fun too. I love spending time with my girls, picking out pretty things, and seeing it all come together thus far has been great. We have so much done, thanks to me being a hyper planner. ;) Now and then though, I feel like it runs my life. Over the next 11 weeks, I have something wedding related almost every week. Worrying about finances has been the biggest struggle. My family isn’t helping. His dad told us he wanted to help and is giving us a bit, which we’re using for the hall and catering. Mostly it’s us paying for this though. I know it will all be worth it. Wearing my dress that makes me feel like a princess, seeing my girls look absolutely beautiful, having my son who will be dressed to the nines in his tux walk me down the aisle towards our future, uniting before God and making it official and doing this in front of so many we love will be wondrous. And it’s about so much more than that one day that will arrive before I know it and then be over….
It’s truly about what comes after our wedding day. It’s about our journey together as husband and wife and about him, my son, and I as a family. We have so much we want to see, do, and achieve separately and also together. Excelling at our current jobs for the time being, but then starting a business, finding a bigger home someday, renovating our kitchen in the meantime, maybe extending our family, vacations, and much more. We work well together now, but there are always ways to improve and we must not forget that it’s always going to be a work in progress. All great relationships are built on trust, respect, love, communication, loyalty, and yes…hard work. Wonderful relationships are wonderful because couples work on keeping them that way. Friendships are the same way; they need that same devotion and maintaining. All relationships in life that are stable really need that.
I have some great people in my life. I hope I continue to do my part to keep those relationships happy and healthy. I am trying to do that right now. I have missed everyone I talk to on WordPress. I hope you’re all doing well. I hope you have great plans, big dreams that you’re chasing, and lots of love. I shall have to stop by and read my news feed so I can see what people are up to. Well, here’s to a great weekend ahead for us all. Thanks again for your continued love and support. YOU ALL ROCK! Much love always! <3
Well another year is gone and a new one has started. 2014 was quite the year. A lot of good and bad happened. Lost loved ones, car accidents, changed friendships, loss of a job and then a new job, an engagement, frustrations, sorrows, joys, laughter, and lots of love in 2014. Through it all, the good and bad, I have to say that overall 2014 was a fairly good year.
I am looking forward to 2015 though. I aim to get better at my job and learn as much as I can. There’s going to be many births to celebrate, including my son’s 13th. My kiddo will become a teenager, even closer to leaving childhood behind. I am excited to see where he goes from here. He’s so talented and intelligent. There’s no telling what he can do. And one of the biggest events that I am looking forward to is my wedding. In 135 days, I will become Mrs. Gray. I can hardly wait to marry my best friend and partner. I have waited for what feels like a lifetime to find my other half. It will be a day to celebrate. My handsome son will be dressed to the nines and will give me away. Family and friends will surround us so that we can share that wonderful occasion with those we love most.
There’s so much to celebrate in 2015. What a year this will be. I hope that 2015 is full of lots of laughter, joy, accomplished goals, dreams come true, wonderful memories made, and lots of love shared for all of you. I believe it will be whatever we want to make it. If we’re determined to have a good year, then I truly think it will be one. I am determined to make this the best year to date. Here’s to 2015 and making it amazing!
I want to give thanks to Laura, who just subscribed to my blog, bringing my number of readers to 600! WOW! Thanks, to all of you for your support! And hey, stop by Laura’s blog and see what she has to say. She’s got a lot to talk about and I think it’s worth stopping by to read a little and say hello! :)
I am so humbled by the overwhelming amount of love, encouragement, and support I have been given since joining WordPress. I am beyond thankful to each of you that has read what I have to say, stopped by to give feedback or just to chat, offered up wise advice, made me laugh, and forged friendships with me. YOU ALL ROCK! Seriously, thank you! Thank you for letting me inspire you and also for inspiring me. It is such a joy to be a part of the WordPress family.
It was as if all I touched was made of glass
Nothing I did went the way I’d intended
Kind thoughts in my head ended up sounding crass
Bridges were burnt and many relationships ended
Many times, I felt like a lost cause
Unworthy of long lasting relationships and love
The devil had my heart within his clenched jaws
Doubt and shame had me turned away from God up above
My past is full of mistakes, things I simply can’t take back
Hearts broken, trust shattered, bonds cut, & friendships lost
It was too easy to let guilt, shame, & heart break get me off track
All I wanted and having things my way came at too high a cost
And while I was too busy hurting many that loved me
The same was being done to me by many I loved in return
A viscous cycle that kept us going, no signs of letting us break free
Seeming to promise to let our wounds fester and burn
Would the words we used continue to cut one another deep
And the things we did break each other down
Could we not find a way to let love be what we chose to keep
And let the darkness, pain, and anger within drown
Over the years, God has helped me out of the hole I had so deeply dug
Unchained me from the past and showed me how to move ahead
It took a lot of humility, hard work, prayer, and yes, lots of love from Doug
Not to mention many others that never gave up, no matter what I did or said
As it turned out, I wasn’t so alone as I’d once thought myself to be
God showed me that He was there, always had been & forever will remain
And I also began to see surrounding me were good friends and many from my family
The bonds are still strong, despite the years of heartache & strain
Through it all, I have grown up so much
Giving up the woman I was for far too long
For someone with a kinder heart and gentler touch
And both a heart and a will that through Him is strong